The Adventures of a Suburbanite Page 12

  XII. MR. PRAWLEY RETURNS

  MARY was one of the most faithful servants a family ever had. Herfaithfulness deserves this monument. She was a Pole and she could notpronounce her own name. She tried to pronounce it the first day shecame to us, but along toward the sixth or seventh syllable she becameconfused and had to give it up. She said it was Schneider in English.Perhaps the reason she remained with us so long was because she hadbrought her Polish name with her, and it was too much trouble to moveit from place to place. When she once got in a place, she liked to staythere. But "Schneider" was about the only English word she knew,and this made it a little difficult to explain to her that I haddomesticated the automobile and would allow her to use it on wash day.I had to make a picture of it, and even then she seemed rather doubtfulabout it.

  As a matter of fact it was all very simple, but Mary Schneider wasstupid. We already had the washing machine, and we had the automobile,and it was only necessary to connect the rear wheel of the automobilewith the drive wheel of the washing machine by means of a belt, jack upthe rear axle of the automobile, and start the engine. I hoped intime to go further than this and hitch up the coffee mill, thecarpet-sweeper, the ice-cream freezer, and all our other householdmachinery, and then Mary Schneider would have a very easy time of it.She could have sat in the automobile with her hands on the speed leversand the work would have done itself. But Mary would not sit in theautomobile. She tried to explain that she had seen me sit in it and thatthe Schneiders, as a family, had very brittle bones and could not affordto fall out of automobiles of such height, but I could not understandwhat she was saying. I only understood that she said she would givenotice immediately if she had to sit in that automobile while thepalpitator was jiggering.

  I had a feeling that all this was mere diffidence on her part, and thatwhen she once saw how easy it all was she would be delighted with it.So I jacked up the rear axle of the car in my backyard, and attached theclothesline as a belt to the rear wheel and to the drive wheel of thewashing machine. I remained at home one Monday morning especially to dothis, and Isobel thought it was very kind of me. She said she was sureMary could do it, and would be glad to, after she had once seen how itwas done.

  Mary put the soap in the washing machine, and the hot water, and theclothes, and I started the automobile engine. It was all I had hoped.Never, never had I seen clothes washed so rapidly. Luckily I had thoughtto nail the legs of the washing machine to the floor of the back porch.This steadied the washing machine and kept it from jumping more than itdid. Of course, some vibration was conveyed along the rope belt from theautomobile, and Mary had to hasten to and fro bringing more hot water torefill the washing machine. It was like a storm at sea, or a geyser, ora large hot fountain. When we had the automobile going at full speedthe water hardly entered the washing machine before it dashed madly outagain.

  Isobel had to help by putting more clothes in the washing machine. Itused up clothes as rapidly as Rolf's friend's fodder-cutter usedup fodder, but I think it cut the clothes into smaller pieces. Wediscovered this when we hunted up the clothes later. We did not noticeit at the time. All was excitement.

  It was a proud moment for me. The engine was running as well as it everdid, the dasher of the washing machine was dashing to and fro with hotwater, and Mrs. Rolfs and Mrs. Millington were cheering us on. Ibegan to believe we would break all records for clothes washing if Maryand Isobel could only keep water and clothes in the washing machine.Just then I fell out of the automobile.

  Possibly the sudden removal of my weight had an effect. It may have beenthat my head in striking one of the rear wheels moved the axle. Of thisI can never be sure. The rear axle unjacked itself, and as the rearwheels touched the ground the automobile darted away. I was just able totouch the washing machine as it hurried by, but it did not wait for meto secure a firm hold, and it went on its way. But Mary was faithful tothe last. She--ignorant though she was--knew that the weekly wash shouldnot dash off in this manner. She--although but a Pole, knew her duty anddid it. Mary hung onto the washing machine. Whither the wash went shewas going. And so she did. Rapidly, too.

  The rear porch was not badly damaged. Only those boards to which thewashing machine had been nailed went with it, but where the automobilewent through the back fence we had to make extensive repairs. But itwas all for the best. If the automobile had not made a hole in the fenceMary could not have gone through. Of course, she could have gone aroundby the gate, but she would have lost time, and she was not losing anytime. Neither was the washing machine. The automobile did not gain aninch on it, and sometimes when the washing machine made a good jump itovertook the automobile. So did Mary.

  I saw then that I had not thoroughly domesticated the automobile. Aswe stood and watched the automobile and the washing machine and Marydashing rapidly away in the distance, we felt that the automobile wasstill a little too wild for household use, but I fully believed theautomobile would be tame enough before it reached home again. A young,strong automobile may be able to take cross country runs without illeffects, but an elderly automobile, like the one I bought of Millington,cannot dash across country towing a washing machine and a Polishservant, whose name is Schneider in English, without danger to itsconstitution. I do not blame the washing machine--it could not let go,it was belted on--but if Mary had had presence of mind she would havereleased her grasp when she found the strain was too much for theautomobile. But it is strange how differently the minds of male andfemale run. As I watched the automobile disappear over the edge of thehill I said:

  "Isobel, I guess that ends that automobile," But Isobel said:

  "John, I am afraid we have lost Mary." And yet that automobile and thatPole were the last two in the world I should ever have suspected ofrunning away with each other. She came back later in the day, but shedid not say much. She packed her trunk and took her wages, and remarkeda remark that sounded like the English word Schneider translated intoPolish. The washing machine did not return.

  When Millington came out to the fence that evening I told him that I wasdone with automobiling, and that the automobile was probably mashed toflinders. He had been looking bad, but he brightened at the words.

  "John," he said, "if that automobile is wrecked as badly as it shouldbe after running wild with a tail of washing machines andSchneiders-in-English, I'll buy it back. I'll give--I'll give you fivedollars for it."

  He must have seen the eagerness in my eyes, for he remarked quickly:

  "I'll give you two dollars and forty-five cents for it!"

  "I'll take it!" I said instantly.

  "It is mine!" said Millington, and he handed over the money.

  As soon as it was in my pocket I heard a rustling in the currant bushesat my left, and Mr. Prawley raised his head above them.

  "Mother's well again," he said. "I've come back!"