The Great American Pie Company Page 2

  "Dog it!" said Eph, as they seated themselves in the shade, "I wish t'goodness I hadn't mashed that pie on you, Phin. I don't know what onearth I'm goin' to say to her about it. She's pesky stingy with her piesthese days."

  "Same way up to my house," said Phineas; "but that'll all be differentwhen we get the American Pie Company goin'. I guess we'll likely havepie every day then, hey? An' not have nobody's nails in our hair,neither."

  "Speakin' of nails," said Eph, but not enthusiastically, "think we'dbetter make our own nails. We'll need a lot of 'em, to crate up pies an'bread to ship."

  "Yes," said Phineas; "an' we'll just take over the steel business whilewe're about. We'll have a department to do buildin'; there ain't any usepayin' other folks a big profit to build our mills, an' we might aswell do buildin' fer other folks. An' we'll need steel rails fer ourrailroads."

  Eph began to grow enthusiastic again.

  "We'd ought to build our own mines, too," he suggested.

  "An' run our own stores to sell our bread an' pies in every town," saidPhin.

  "An' our own cannin' factories to can our fruit," said Eph.

  "An' our own can-factories to make the cans," added Phin.

  "We'll have our own tin-an' iron-mines, of course," said Eph. "An' ourown printin'-shops fer labels an' advertisin' an' showbills."

  "Better buy out the magazines an' newspapers. We can use 'em," saidPhin.

  "Yes," agreed Eph, "an' have our own paper-mills."

  "Certainly," said Phineas, "there's good money in all them. We'll makemore than them that's runnin' of 'em now. We'll economize on help."

  "That's right," said Eph. "By consolidatin' we can do away withone-third of the help. We'll have a whoppin' big pay-roll as it is."

  "Well," said Phineas, "you've got to pay fair wages where you have todepend on your help."

  "Fair wages is all right," said Eph; "but nowadays they want the wholehog. You don't hear of nothin' but labor unions an' strikes. If you an'me put our money into a big thing like American Pie, we take all therisk and then the laborin' men want all the profits. It ain't square."

  "No, it ain't," said Phineas. "An' if you don't pay them more than youcan afford they strike right at your busiest time. They could put us outof business in one year. First the farmers would strike at harvest, an'all our fruit an' wheat would go to rot. Then the flour-mill handswould strike an' the wheat get wormy an' no good. Then the bakers wouldstrike, an' no bread in the country--we'd most likely be lynched by themobs."

  Eph thought deeply for a while, and the more he thought the more dolefulhe became.

  "Phineas," he said, at length, "I don't know how you feel about it, butI think this American Pie business is 'most too risky to put our moneyinto."

  Phineas had also been thinking, and his face offered no encouragement.

  "Eph," he said, "you're right there. If our farmers an' millers an'bakers did strike, an' folks starved to death, we'd like as not beimpeached an' tried for treason or something, an' put in jail fer life,if our necks wasn't broke by a rope. I like money, but not so much asto have that happen."

  "Neither do I," said Eph; "an' I been thinkin' of another thing. Couldwe get our old women to go into this thing? My wife ain't so far-sightedas I be; an' just at first, until we made a million or two, we'd have tosort o' depend on them to do the bakin'."

  "Well, now that you put it right at me," said Phineas, "I dunno as mywife would take right up with it, either. She seems bound to do just thecontrary to what I want her to do. But I dunno as I'd care to put moneyinto anything while these here labor unions keep actin' up."

  "I dunno as I would, either," said Eph. "I guess mebby we'd better letthis thing lay over till the labor unions sort of play out. What say?"

  "I reckon you're right," agreed Phineas. "I guess we'd better moseyalong with these here pies, too." The two men arose from their shadyseats, and Phineas swung his baskets upon his arms, but Eph seemed to beconsidering a delicate question.

  "That their pie I mashed," he said at length--"I dunno what to say to mywife about it. She'll like to take my scalp off when she finds out I'mten cents shy."

  "Dog me, if I ain't glad it wasn't my pie," said Phin, heartily.

  Eph coughed.

  "You don't reckon as mebby you could give me the loan of a dime tillto-morrow, could you, Phin?" he asked.

  Phineas grinned.

  "Well, now, Eph," he said, "I'd give it you in a minute if so be I hadit; but I swan t' gracious, I ain't got a cent to my name."

  THE END