The Water Goats, and Other Troubles Read online

swim. Dennis Toole."

  "Put thim in th' wather!" exclaimed Alderman Toole angrily. "Why don'tye put thim in th' wather, Fagan? Why did ye not think t' put thimin th' wather?" He looked down at his soaking clothes, and his angerincreased. "Why have ye been tryin' t' make thim dongolas swim on land,Fagan?" he asked sarcastically. "Or have ye been throwin' thim up in th'air t' see thim swim? Why don't ye put thim in th' wather? Why don'tye follow th' instructions of th' expert dongola water goat man an' putthim in th' wather if ye want thim t' swim?"

  Fagan looked at the angry alderman. He looked at the dripping goats.

  "So I did, Mike," he said seriously. "We both of us did."

  "An' did we!" cried Alderman Toole in mock surprise. "Is it possible wethought t' put thim in th' wather whin we wanted thim t' swim? It was inme mind that we tied thim to a tree an' played ring-around-a-rosywith thim t' induce thim t' swim! Where's a pencil? Where's a piece ofpaper?" he cried.

  He jerked them from the hand of the messenger boy. The afternoon washalf worn away. Every minute was precious. He wrote hastily and handedthe message to the messenger boy.

  "Fagan," he said, as the boy disappeared down the path at a run, "raiseup yer spirits an come an' give th' water goats some more instructionsin th' ginteel art of swimmin' in th' wather."

  Fagan sighed and arose. He walked toward the dejected water goats, and,taking the nearest one by the horns yanked it toward the lake. The goatwas too weak to do more than hold back feebly and bleat its disapprovalof another bath. The more lessons in swimming it received the less itseemed to like to swim. It had developed a positive hatred of swimming.

  Dennis Toole received the second telegram with a savage grin. He hadexpected it. He opened it with malicious slowness.

  "Dennis Toole, Franklin Zoo," he read. "Where do you think I put them tomake them swim? They won't swim in the lake. It won't do no good tous for them to swim on dry land. No fooling, now, how do you make themdongolas swim? Answer quick.

  "Michael Toole."

  He did not have to study out his reply, for he had been considering itever since he had sent the other telegram. He took a blank from theboy and wrote the answer. The sun was setting when the Jeffersonvillemessenger delivered it to Alderman Toole.

  "Mike Toole, Jeffersonville," it said. "Quit fooling, yourself. Don'tyou know young dongolas are always water-shy at first? Tie them in thelake and let them soak, and they will learn to swim fast enough. If Ididn't know any more about dongolas than you do I would keep clear ofthem. Dennis Toole."

  "Listen to that now," said Alderman Toole, a smile spreading over hisface. "An' who ever said I knew annything about water goats, anny how?Th' natural history of th' water goat is not wan of the things usuallyconsidered part of th' iducation of th' alderman from th' Fourth Ward,Fagan, but 'tis surprised I am that ye did not know th' goat is like th'soup bean, an' has t' be soaked before usin'. Th' Keeper of th' WaterGoat should know th' habits of th' animal, Fagan. Why did ye not putthim in to soak in th' first place? I am surprised at ye!"

  "It escaped me mind," said Fagan. "I was thinkin' these was broke t'swimmin' an' did not need t' be soaked. I wonder how long they should besoaked, Mike?"

  "'Twill do no harrm t' soak thim over night, anny how," said Toole."Over night is th' usual soak given t' th' soup-bean an' th' saltmackerel, t' say nawthin' of th' codfish an' others of th' water-goatfamily. Let th' water goats soak over night, Fagan, an by mornin' theywill be ready t' swim like a trout. We will anchor thim in th' lake,Fagan--an' we will say nawthin' t' Dugan. 'Twould be a blow t' Duganwas he t' learn th' dongolas provided fer th' park was young an'wather-shy."

  They anchored the water goats firmly in the lake, and left them there toovercome their shyness, which seemed, as Fagan and Toole left them, tobe as great as ever. The goats gazed sadly, and bleated longingly, afterthe two men as they disappeared in the dusk, and when the men had passedentirely out of sight, the goats looked at each other and complainedbitterly.

  Alderman Toole thoughtfully changed his wet clothes for dry ones beforehe went to Casey's that evening, for he thought Dugan might be there,and he was. He was there when Toole arrived, and his brow was black.He had had a bad day of it. Everything had gone wrong with him and hisaffairs. A large lump of his adherents had sloughed off from his partyand had affiliated with his opponents, and the evening opposition paperhad come out with a red-hot article condemning the administration forreckless extravagance. It had especially condemned Dugan for burdeningthe city with new bonds to create an unneeded park, and the whole thinghad ended with a screech of ironic laughter over the--so the editorcalled it--fitting capstone of the whole business, the purchase of twodongola goats at perfectly extravagant prices.

  "Mike," said the big mayor severely, when the little alderman hadoffered his greetings, "there is the divil an' all t' pay about thimdongolas. Th' News is full of thim. 'Twill be th' ind of us all if theydo not pan out well. Have ye tried thim in th' water yet?"

  "Sure!" exclaimed the little alderman with a heartiness he did not feel."What has me an' Fagan been doin' all day but tryin' thim? Have no fearof th' wather goats, Dugan."

  "Do they swim well, Mike?" asked the big mayor kindly, but with a wearyheaviness he did not try to conceal.

  "Swim!" exclaimed Toole. "Did ye say swim, Dugan? Swim is no name forth' way they rip thro' the wather! 'Twas marvellous t' see thim. Ah,thim dongolas is wonderful animals! Do ye think we could persuade thimt' come out whin we wanted t' come home? Not thim, Dugan! 'Twas all mean' Fagan could do t' pull thim out by main force, an' th' minute we letgo of thim, back they wint into th' wather. 'Twas pitiful t' hear th'way they bleated t' be let back into th' wather agin, Dugan, so we letthim stay in for th' night."

  "Ye did not let thim loose in th' lake, Mike?" exclaimed the big mayor."Ye did not let thim be so they could git away?"

  "No," said Toole. "No! They'll not git away, Dugan. We anchored thimfast."

  "Ye done good, Mike," said the big mayor.

  The next morning Keeper of the Water Goats Fagan was down sufficientlyearly to drag the bodies of the goats out of the lake long before eventhe first citizen was admitted to the park. Alone, and hastily he hidthem in the little tool house, and locked the door on them. Then he wentto find Alderman Toole. He found him in the mayor's office, and beckonedhim to one side. In hot, quick accents he told him the untimely fate ofthe dongola water goats, and the mayor--with an eye for everything onthat important day--saw the red face of Alderman Toole grow longer andredder; saw the look of pain and horror that overspread it. A chillingfear gripped his own heart.

  "Mike," he said. "What's th' matter with th' dongolas?"

  It was Fagan who spoke, while the little alderman from the Fourth Wardstood bereft of speech in this awful moment.

  "Dugan," he said, "I have not had much ixperience with th' dongolawather goat, an' th' ways an' habits of thim is strange t' me, but if Iwas t' say what I think, I would say they was over-soaked."

  "Over-soaked, Fagan?" said the mayor crossly. "Talk sense, will ye?"

  "Sure!" said Fagan. "An' over-soaked is what I say. Thim water goats hasall th' looks of bein' soaked too long. I would not say positive, YerHonour, but that is th' looks of thim. If me own mother was t' ask me Iwould say th' same, Dugan. 'Soakin' too long done it,' is what I wouldsay."

  "You are a fool, Fagan!" exclaimed the big mayor.

  "Well," said Fagan mildly, "I have not had much ixperience in soakin'dongolas, if ye mean that, Dugan. I do not set up t' be an expertdongola soaker. I do not know th' rules t' go by. Some may like thimsoaked long an' some may like thim soaked not so long, but if I was tosay, I would say thim two dongolas at th' park has been soaked a dangsight too long. Th' swim has been soaked clean out of thim."

  "Are they sick?" asked the big mayor. "What is th' matter with thim?"

  "They do look sick," agreed Fagan, breaking the bad news gently. "Ishould say they look mighty sick, Dugan. If they looked anny sicker, Iwould be afther lookin' for a place t' b
ury thim in.